Crawling to Bed

I should be sleeping, seeing as to I have to make it to work at a reasonable time tomorrow, but my mind is racing after finishing the first of four books in the Twilight series. Yes I am a dork. No, I do not care. I was thinking back to when I started this blog in 2006 and looking at how far I’ve come, not only in terms of my subject matter and topics, but in terms of myself. I can’t believe it’s been two years. Sometimes I ask myself why I have this space to myself. Why do I write here? What prompted me to create a website? It would be easy and also a lie if I said it was just a more convenient way to write down my thoughts, instead of transcribing them in a notebook by hand. In some ways, that’s true, but obviously I wanted more. And yet today, I really don’t know my goal for this little web space I have. Is it just to write down my thoughts? Is it a release for me, an experiment in writing, or am I writing for someone, whoever that may be? Do I have an audience? I don’t even know for sure if anyone really is reading what I write, or why they would want to. But I guess it doesn’t matter. Sometimes I wish my blog was well-known and visited, sometimes I wish I could write in private so no one would have to see. I can’t seem to figure this place out, or the direction I want to take it in, but I suppose that’s a running theme in my life at the moment: confusion.

Sometimes I give myself rigid restraints on what to write about and how - and then I remember that this is just a personal blog and there are no rules and I can write about whatever I want, however I want. Maybe that’s the beauty of this place though, I can swing whichever way I want, without even thinking. One day I could be talking about situations in my life and the next day, I could be declaring my love for all things Paula Deen and then talking about my enormous hate for Ugg boots after. It’s really refreshing, have a space I can fill up with anything I want.

Yes, I should be sleeping. It’s almost 1 a.m, but this is a perfect opportunity to write. The house is completely quiet and dark, with the only light coming from my laptop. Henry is fast asleep, instead of flinging around his toys and our shoes in the living room and because I’ve spent the majority of my day so listless in a cubicle, my mind is awake and racing and conjuring up topics to write about and ideas to get to. This is unfair really, almost torture. Why aren’t there more hours in the day, more days in the week? Most importantly, when will I finish the second book from the Twilight series. I am slowly being recruited into the League of Morons because of you, Stephenie Meyer.

I better get to bed before I pick up the book to read and never go to sleep.

Share/Save/Bookmark

Posted on 25 November '08 by liana, under Personal Pudding.

4 Comments to “Crawling to Bed”

#1 Posted by Laura (25.11.08 at 06:58 )

Well if it gives you any comfort I do enjoy all your entries. Sometimes they can be sad or funny or a learning experiance… I dont know how many responses you may get but you have one loyal customer here who truely enjoys how you write!

#2 Posted by Darleen (25.11.08 at 18:32 )

You are my hero for having the discipline and level of commitment to posting every day. I can’t imagine it’s that easy - especially after spending a long day in cubicle jail and sitting in the horror of Los Angeles traffic.

My only complaint is that it’s now much more difficult to keep up with you.. because I do love reading your blog! ;)

With that said:
1. Twilight: I’m both envious and amused that you’ve been sucked in, because I haven’t yet and I kinda’ wish I didn’t have so many essays to write so I could succumb to the dorky-ness that is the Twilight Fan Club.
2. I have the same EXACT feelings about keeping a blog - it’s a strange place to be in but I guess that’s the beauty of it… no rules, like you said
3. I hate(d) UGGs. I only add the (d) because being here in London has given me a practical use for them when it’s too cold to wear my chucks. Although, I wear cheap knock-offs and I still, even if only for a second, get a twinge of shame every time I put them on. Sigh…

#3 Posted by Los Angelista (26.11.08 at 12:50 )

After four years of blogging, I still experience the same feelings you do. Some days I’m jealous of huge bloggers who have thousands of visitors. Other days, I wish it was just a small little thing that I didn’t feel beholden to. If no one read, I wouldn’t feel guilty about not posting sometimes. But, overall, it’s fun and it’s a creative outlet. That’s what matters most.

And I’m with you on the Ugg hate. They’re the worst!

#4 Posted by liana (30.11.08 at 20:43 )

Laura - Thank you so much! You should start a blog too :)

Darleen - I miss you! I don’t know how I’ve been posting every day, but now that November is over, I plan on cutting back a little! It’s almost like a full-time job. Oh Twilight, oh my my. Just wait - you think you wont get sucked in, but it just happened. One day I was normal and the next day I woke up and I was this crazy woman who couldn’t stop reading a vampire love story. Very strange indeed. You know, you’re in a climate where Uggs are acceptable - it’s cold, it rains, it snows, but in L.A, they’re utterly useless. I’m glad you’re making good use of them there though!

Los Angelista- It’s good to know that there are others who share the same feelings (about blogging and Uggs! ha)