Photo by iboy_daniel

Even if you tried really hard to avoid it, you’d still somehow, someway  get wind of one of the most popular shows on television, that behemoth of a reality show that draws in somewhere between 18 to 36 million viewers each season so fittingly named  American Idol.

With Paula Abdul’s incoherent babbling, Randy Jackson’s constant misuse and abuse of the phrases “Dawg” and “Yo! Check it out!” as well as host Ryan Seacrest’s terrible interviewing skills, It’s just as hard a show to ignore as it is to watch.

What would really make American Idol watchable is if they took away Randy, Paula and new judge Kara DioGuardi, left Simon and brought in Gordon Ramsay, Nene from Real Housewives of Atlanta, Ricky Gervais as David Brent and RuPaul to rule the roost. Now THAT would be a show I could get behind.

But enough about what could be, let’s concentrate on what is, like the sorry excuse for song choices contestants have been picking in season 8. Although certain themes require the  contestants to stay in one genre like MoTown or Michael Jackson hits  (seriously?), this week the nine that were left vying for the title of American Idol had a theme handed to them that was just too easy to do well in: Popular iTunes Downloads. Can you imagine the possibilities? Well, on the second thought, they aren’t that great, but you mean to tell me that they had a vast category of popular songs they could have chosen from and I turn on the t.v. and I get “Surrender” by Celine Dion, “What Hurts the Most” by Rascal Flatss and “Turn the Lights Down Low” sung by now booted Megan Joy Corkey. Really people? Really? You couldn’t have chosen “Nine in the Afternoo”n by Panic at the Disco or Paramore’s “Misery Business,” which would have been perfect for red-haired Allison Iraheta. Lil Rounds (I’m still confused as to if this is in fact, her real name) should have and could have gone for Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” or a Leona Lewis hit. And how awesome would “New Soul” by Nael Yaim been if Scott MacIntyre had sang it. Lest we forget Anoop with this mediocre “Caught Up” by Usher.  He should have ridden the coat tails of his Indian background and totally gone for Jai Ho from the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack. If he had, I am almost guaranteeing he would have been completely safe, instead of appearing in the bottom three last night. And Megan Joy, Chasing Pavements by one of my favorites, Adele. Anyone? Anyone? Any takers? No, I guess not.

That entire paragraph has left one question still lingering in my mind: why in God’s name do I even care? The answer to that is, I couldn’t tell you if I tried. I suppose American Idol has permeated my subconscious enough  so that I give a damn about its plan to render me incapable of doing the things I need to do, like writing, pitching ideas and you know, having a LIFE  instead of  staying glued to the television to hear Simon and Ryan hurl sexual innuendos at each other, while Paula pops another tranquilizer under the table and downs it with the convenient product placement of a Cocoa Cola cup. Oh dear.

Next week mark’s the “Songs From Your Birthyear” theme and I am fearing for my life as to what I will be subjected to. Scott MacIntyre and Adam Lambert, who, by the way, reminds me of a modern day Liberace, I’m looking at you.

I could never be a viable contestant on a show like this, as evidenced by my song choice for my birth year (1984) : This Charming Man by The Smiths. Enough said.