Internet, I’ve once again reached a strange plateau in the relationship I have with this blog.  I feel unfocused and that feeling worries me. I’ve been struggling about what to make of this space of mine - it’s a place where I feel I can and should write down whatever I like, but that’s begun to worry me a little. I feel at times that I’m all over the map. One minute I’m writing about a cake I made, the next minute, I’m providing updates on fires in Los Angeles.

My worry mostly is: is this ok?

I mean, why shouldn’t it be? It’s my space, my little corner of the interwebs. I pay each month for this damn it, I should be able to write whatever I please. Still, it worries me. There are times when I feel that I should just stick to one topic and write about it exclusively. Then there are moments when I feel like I can’t do that, because my interests are so varied. I want to talk about food and traveling, yet I feel a great sense of urgency and desire to talk about writing and music and Bollywood.

Then there are other times where I come here and start an entry about how horribly I have been aching to write more  - even more than I do now. I have dreams about working at the Los Angeles Times and as soon as they begin, they end and I’m thrown back into the turnpike in New Jersey known as reality.

Lately, I’ve had an obsession with wedding photography. I can spend hours upon hours scouring sites, ooing and awwing over photos. These are things that I feel are unworthy of even appearing on this space, as if I’ve built this strange “man behind the curtain” persona where I don’t feel comfortable exposing my inner most thoughts and desires.  I want to keep this place lively and funny and not full of my whiny wants and needs - but perhaps those are things which make for the most interesting reads.

I’ve been neglecting this place, only because I am trying to be so thoroughly focused on a few other projects I’m working on, mostly my ezine and the freelance writing I am doing for a few places, including a newspaper. Yes, that’s right - a real bona fide, print newspaper. It’s quite thrilling. It makes me happy and gets me back in the creative process and I really live off that, to be honest.

There is so much I want to do - on this here space of mine and in life and I’m trying to figure out if it behooves me to have a strict focus or go and do wherever my mind takes me. When I figure it out, you’ll know.