Photo by RodneyRamsey

I find it strange that every time it rains in Los Angeles, I feel compelled to write. Maybe it’s not so strange. Maybe I’m strange. Maybe I don’t belong in L.A., since the sun bugs me and the rain feels amazing, even if it means I’m stuck in traffic for longer than usual. Today it took me almost an hour and a half to get across the palm tree laden landscape. If you think that’s bad, the key word here is almost, as it usually takes more than almost.

The signal of rain in this city signifies the apocalypse in many ways. The vicious mudslides, egged on by the charred remains of fire season, start to wreak havoc, sending Angelenos in a spin. Unfamiliar with the danger of slick roads, they push on the pedals of their (mostly) fantastical, expensive cars, throwing caution and their livelihood to the wind. And so the pileups and minor accidents begin, slowing down traffic even more, if you can believe it.

Some don’t even go to work.

Some complain all day long.

Some have to make use of sandbags so their houses don’t get wiped away.

Whatever way you look at it, it’s a big event.

Me? I rejoice. I love the rain. I love the sadness and contemplation it brings, how it makes you want to hold on to the ones you love just a little bit tighter. I love that it forces you to slow down and think and how it reminds you that the world isn’t just about the next hot party or ridiculously expensive clothing store, at least in Los Angeles. It reminds you that the world is bigger than you, and I wish more people felt that feeling - that the world is bigger than them, than their cars, their belongings, their feelings. It’s nice.

On the first day of the last month of the year, organizations, families, ordinary citizens and even social networks take a few moments out to commemorate World AIDS Day. The United Nations and World Health Organization estimate that 33.4 million people are living with HIV. In Los Angeles 56,000 to 62,000 people are estimated to be living with HIV/AIDS.

I’d like to think of this day only as World AIDS Day, but I can’t because it’s also my birthday. I feel honored to have been born on a day where one of the world’s most serious diseases gets a day in the spotlight, but this year’s birthday feels so different for me.

In short, it’s the first time that I’m not even a little bit jovial about it.

Internet, I am down right depressed.

In the bigger scope of things I am not even that old (25) but I feel like I should have had more to show for being alive for a quarter of a century.  I don’t want to bore anyone with the dreams and goals I’ve had since middle school, but I have known what I have wanted out of life for a very long time, that is, to be a successful journalist whose articles allow someone to learn something new, uncover abuse, bring about justice or elicit change. And though I feel like I have made significant strides, I am still after that journalism dream that has been on a ship to no where for a lot of people.

Of course, there are other things I crave in life, but I feel like I have been so lucky to have a supportive family, amazing friends, a boyfriend who I want to spend the rest of my life with - all those elements in my life feel more or less complete and I feel like I should have had more of a grasp on that pesky thing I love the most: writing.

I know that there are so many young journalists my age who do not have jobs or are struggling in many of the same ways I am - I see it all the time with those who I speak to or those I follow on Twitter. I see the passion that people have for this industry that has failed them and it upsets me. Of the 10 emails to editors that are unanswered, at least 50 are ignored. You can forget about a staff writing position at the moment, because frankly they don’t exist.

When I started following “Ed2010″ probably more than 5 years ago, the idea of achieving my dream journalism career in 2010 seemed so far away, so out there in the cosmos, but now, in 30 days, 2010 will arrive and I am afraid of what it will bring. Last night, I drew out a simple diagram of what I’d like to achieve in 2010, which I am crowning right now as “the year of journalism.” That piece of paper holds my dreams and goals for the next year and beyond in the form of the Los Angeles Times, LA Weekly, Real Simple and GOOD. Here’s to hoping that on Dec. 1, 2010 I feel a little less somber and a little more hopeful than I do now.