What does it mean if you want to be too many things at once?

I think I have terminal ADHD, meaning this indecision business and wanting everything and anything now, now, now is going to truly kill me, because the world just isn’t letting me break out of this pigeon hole that I feel like I’m stuck in.

I needed some comforting tonight, so for the first time in so many months, I started listening to music. It’s not that I don’t listen to music, hell I listen every single day.

Music is what saves me from going insane inside the cubicle I sit in and in many ways, music is what saved me tonight because I really listened.

I listened to Antony and the Johnsons and Amy Winehouse and José Gonzales and Air and Dustin O’Halloran and John Lennon and Yann Tiersen and whatever I felt like was going to stop me from tumbling down the rabbit hole into nothingness.

Is it normal to know what you want and not know what you want with such intensity?

Maybe I’ve lost my muchness like Alice.

The thing is, I’ve never just wanted to be one thing. When I was younger, I would switch career ambitions every 24 hours. I wanted to be a veterinarian, an archeologist, a microbiologist, a painter, I wanted to work for the Centers for Disease Control and be a part-time ballerina at the New York City Ballet.

And then when I was 12, I discovered something that allowed me to experience anything and everything: journalism.

And it was magical.

The truth is, there’s too much I want in this world. The truth is, I need to slow down. The truth is, I don’t want to.