After a horrendous fire season in which my house, along with many others, almost became enveloped in flames, Los Angeles saw its first drops of rain in a while a few weeks ago. That was a clear signal to me to bring out perhaps my favorite item of clothing I own: long johns.

Yes, I really own them and yes, I am going to devote a post to their magical ways because I am not exaggerating when I say that I had a horrible, terrible case of the Mondays, and writing about long johns is sort of refreshing after the soul crushing, depressing day I had. 

Though traditionally this one-piece is known as a “union suit,” it has somehow come to be known, at least in the U.S. as long johns -a term that is usually referred to a type of two-piece long underwear. Originally designed for women, the first union suit was patented in 1868 as “emancipation union under flannel.”

Michael Quinion, who writes about international English from a British viewpoint atWorld Wide Words has dug up a paragraph from the June, 3, 1944 edition of  Wisconsin Rapids Daily Tribune which suggests the origin of at least the “john” in “long john” comes from John L. Sullivan, the famous boxer who allegedly wore the garment. 

Though their popularity has long since tapered off, there are a few places that still carry them - and believe me, I searched far and wide to find the perfect ones that happen to be found at American Apparel. In fact, I have two pairs, one in black and the other in forest green. Don’t judge me. 

Long johns make me feel all warm and tingly. If I could, I would stay in them day in and day out. Yes, they are that comfortable. There’s nothing you can’t do in long johns. You can read, eat, watch television, write, have a phone conversation and even sleep in them, which is what I do any time Los Angeles turns into a normal city and exhibits a bit of seasonality. 

You can even do jumping jacks in them. Seriously. They are THAT cool. 

The only downside to long johns (and for some it might be a big one) is that if you live in colder climates, going to the bathroom might be a chilling feat. But really, this is a small price to pay for such a magnificent piece of clothing. They are so magical, that whenever I put them on, I feel like busting out into a song and dance sequence with “You Make My Dreams Come True” by Hall and Oates, because they really make my dreams come true. 

Last week I made a quick run to the super market after I got home from what seemed like a day of work that knew no end. It was a hot Southern California evening. The sun was slowly sinking into the horizon and as per usual, I was nearing negative digits in my “how good do you feel about your self today” percentage meter. I usually start the day off feeling around 70 percent, 80 if I’m lucky - but by the time my makeup wears away, I start to feel uncomfortable in my clothes and my hair becomes more and more frazzled, the plunge into dangerously low numbers is inevitable.

On this evening, my hair was pretty frazzled. As anyone with Middle Eastern descent knows, our hair is not suited to all kinds of weather. We pine after the straight, thin hair of our American/English/Swedish counterparts, all the while struggling to tame the lion’s mane on our heads. Sure, our waves and curls and thick like-rope-strands hair are envied, but when you go to a supposedly highly qualified stylist, and she suggests cutting channels in your hair, then makes you look like a china doll, but not before charging you an extra $25 because you have thick/long hair, you start to get a bit tired.

I drove into the parking lot, got out of the car and reluctantly went to pick up the few things on my list. I didn’t spend a lot of time in there, and I know this because usually I will glance into every single isle, trying to invent a million things I think I need, therefore justifying the money I’d like to spend on it, before I move on to the baking section, where I ooh and ahh about the spices, the beautifully chopped nuts, the cookie cutters, the molds! Oh the molds! And the marzipan! I must have the marzipan!

When I came back to my car, it wasn’t until I had backed out of my parking space when I realized that someone had covertly placed a 3 x 5 card securely in my window wiper. Oh God, I thought, it must either be a postcard telling me to see the light and praise Jesus or some coupons for a restaurant I’ve never heard of or seen in my life. In the two minutes it took to pull into my driveway, I pondered the possibilities.

Lo and behold, it wasn’t about repenting or discounts, it was something far more dangerous.

“NEW Keratin Smoothing Treatment. Tames frizz and curls for sleek, more manageable hair! Introductory price of $175 ($75 savings).”

At first glance, I didn’t think much of it, but then I began to realize that some rogue stylist maven had been camping out in that parking lot, just waiting for the next frazzly, wavy haired girl to come along, so that she could try enticing her to tame her hair, one keratin smoothing treatment at a time.

Internet, I was being targeted.

It was a ploy, a ploy to turn every girl who dares to wear her wavy, unstyled hair to the super market into a stick straight salon hair clone, like the model on the card who has staring at me, naked, with cascading straight brown locks falling past her shoulder.

Oh, Liana, you say. Get over yourself. Surely, this was just a mass produced card put on every car’s window in that parking structure.

Orly?

I sincerely beg to differ. This is not a universal service. It’s not for men or women with straight hair, therefore, for someone to put these cards randomly on every car would really be a waste of time and energy. No, a smart stylist would stake out a hiding place and carefully maneuver her cards on the vehicles where she felt the driver’s hair was in need of a frizz tame because of her unmanageable hair.

And that person, on this lovely day, happened to be me.

As I type, I’ve finally ripped that card in half, after hanging on to it so I can share its beautiful prose with you all.

So, dear stylist, dear salon - thank you, but no. I do not want, nor do I need (contrary to what you may think) a smoothing treatment. I like my hair for the most part, in all its wild glory. And you know what? If I want to make a run to the supermarket with my hair in its (gasp!) natural state, I will it. How’s that for a smoothing treatment?

What a strange power there is in clothing -Isaac Bashevis Singer

Hot chocolate,  soup, my mom’s simple vanilla cake and grilled cheese sandwiches are some of my favorite comfort foods. It’s amazing how instantly they make me feel better. When I put a spoon full of soup to my lips, or take that first bite of melted, gooey cheese between two pieces of bread that have been toasted and grilled to perfection, every care or worry in the world disappears, if only for a few minutes.

Comfort clothes have a similar effect. Whether I’m at home or at work, I always make an effort to look presentable, sometimes this even translates to wearing a coordinated set of pyjamas to bed, which I KNOW is a bit weird, but it’s what I do. But there are some days (almost always Mondays) where all I want to do is crawl back into bed, pull the covers over my head and descend to slumberland. These are the days I pull out my comfort clothes. My favorite item I have is a pistachio colored cable knit hoodie with big white buttons that is my security blanket on the days when I hate my life.

Slipper socks are my next go-to piece of comfort clothing. They make me feel…so secure. Of course, socks on their own can probably do the job, but there’s something about pulling up a knit, thick sock, with a soft padded bottom that just does it for. It’s like an extra layer of protection. Whenever winter rolls around, I’m always on the lookout for great slipper socks. Victoria’s Secret has great ones, as does J.Crew, except that they cost an arm and a leg, although I have to say that they are definitely a worthwhile investment, as I wear them all year round and judging from the fact that I live in L.A., I think it’s safe to say you can wear them all year, no matter where you are.

An old favorite of mine, but one that I didn’t invest in until last year, were long johns. OH, how I love long johns. I could live in them. I can sleep in them, eat in them, watch t.v. in them, it’s like a second skin that I do not want to take off. Ever. I had been on the look out for a great pair of long johns for years, except that I just never seemed to find any. Then one day, by the grace of God, I saw the perfect pair from American Apparel. Me and my two pairs (one black, one forest green) have been inseparable ever since.

So you know, clothing isn’t everything, but it makes you feel good when you’re feeling like all you want to do is sit on the couch and watch Maury Povich announce DNA test results by yelling “In the case of 2-year-old Mariah, you are NOT the father!”

On the days when I’m feeling really down in the dumps, stuck 30 plus miles from home, in a city that I’m familiar with but not entirely comfortable with, my only salvation lies in the house of peace otherwise known as Anthropologie.

I love it in here. The sounds, the smells, the aesthetically pleasing and horribly expensive furniture, clothing and accessories. It’s like Fantasy Land with style.

My journey around the entire store takes up an hour, as I “coo” and “aww” to myself when I see the most delicately made cardigan or a book that I would never think to buy at say, Barnes & Noble, but can’t resist at Anthropologie.

Don’t even get me started on the kitchen section. It’s like heaven. Giraffe and matryoshka shaped measuring cups?! You have got to be kidding me. No, no I’m not.

Of course, the temptations to buy at Anthropologie are almost impossible to resist. There’s always a “Sale” section, but I’m afraid it’s not much of one, as far as prices are concerned. Still, it’s a place of solitude for me, during a busy and stressful work day.

In high school I had a friend who worshiped the ultra trendy and ultra cheap clothing store Forever 21. She called it her favorite store, I called it Polyester Emporium. I hated Forever 21 with a passion and didn’t think the cheap material they used helped her overwhelming B.O  in the least bit.

Years went by, we graduated high school and happily went out separate ways, until I bumped into her one day on my way to a college class. I wasn’t close enough to detect any B.O or deduce that her outfit was in fact, from Forever 21, but I could probably safely bet on both counts.

In the last few years, Forever 21 has done everything in their power to revamp their style, a move that hasn’t always exactly been free of controversy. They amped up their collections, brought versatility to their fabric and textile palette and focused on super trends of the moment, but racked up lawsuits from Diane von Fürstenberg, Gwen Stefani and Anna Sui in the process, and that’s not all. In 2001, factory workers who had produced clothing for the company boycotted the store until working and payroll conditions improved. The company subcontracted production to manufacturers and sewing contractors which in turn employed workers in sweatshop conditions. The lawsuit was dropped when Forever 21 paid the workers’ back wages.

The company earned a projected 400 million in 2001, according to CorpWatch, and that number grew to $1.3 billion in 2007, says the Los Angeles Times.  In 2004, Forever 21 agreed to stop selling clothing made with animal fur under pressure from PETA.

Despite their copycat tendencies, this writer fully admits that she’s shopped at the store she once detested. If you spotted cardigans for $14 and all the jewelery you can imagine before your eyes, you wouldn’t hesitate either. After coming home however, I started to notice everything from earrings to tops to accessories kept falling apart. Shoddy execution is the byproduct of cheap labor and unless you research where your clothes are coming from, it’s very easy to buy clothes with a checkered history. I mean, forget the knockoff factor, the fact that your clothes might come from grossly underpaid employees who work in horrible conditions is enough to seriously think about where you’re shopping.

The argument for or against Forever 21 is a tough one. On the one hand, they provide the masses with coveted fashions at  affordable prices, but on the other hand, they do it at the cost of counterfeit material and possible illegal work practices.

Current laws do not give fashion designers any protection against design copycats, however there recently have been more cases brought against companies Forever 21 that might change that. This past Tuesday, a federal case was brought against them from clothing label Trovata who allege that Forever 21 has knowingly copied a series of shirt designs that you can see below.

Forever 21 on the top, Trovata on the bottom

To date, Forever 21 has been sued 50 times for copyright violations, according to the Toronto Star.

Of course, in this debacle, expensive designer brands don’t receive a get out of jail free card  either. Take for example one of the items in Diane Von Fürstenberg’s lawsuit against Forever 21- a $325 “Cerisier” smock, which was renamed “Sabrina” and sold for $32. The dresses were identical, down to not only the pattern, color and measurements, but the fact that both were made of 100 percent silk in China. So why must the DVF dress cost over $300, Diane? Some of it might have to do with labor costs, but most of it is about a name, a name that will sell clothes at  $325 and who knows how much more. Because when you buy a Diane Von Fürstenberg dress, you’re not just buying a dress, you’re buying a lifestyle, you’re buying something not only for yourself, but for how you’re perceived by others, as in what you can afford and the affluent lifestyle you live.

So really, the dress isn’t worth $325 and it’s not worth $32. A fair price for me would be $100.

Interestingly enough Diane Von Fürstenberg’s DVF label has also done its fair share of copying, reports the Toronto Star.

The issue of design piracy came home to Canada this week as local designers Jennifer Halchuk and Richard Lyle, of the label Mercy, successfully negotiated a compensation package from a large American design house that had admittedly stolen wholesale the design of a floral jacket from Mercy’s spring 2008 collection.

The negotiations were swift and relatively painless. Ironically, Mercy’s vintage-looking, tea-dyed jacket of complicated construction was pilfered by a design staffer for the New York-based mega-brand of Diane von Furstenberg

Now more than ever, getting the most bang for your buck is a priority and it’s pretty safe to say that Forever 21 is just watching the profit roll in. You can’t expect people in this economy to pay astronomical prices for a dress, so the problem needs to be addressed by both sides by coming to a happy medium.

Unfortunately, finding brands that don’t use sweatshops to manufacture their clothes and are originals, as well as being affordable, is really impossible-at least in the U.S. anyway. Wal-Mart, Gap (Old Navy, Banana Republic), Target, Abercrombie and Fitch, Eddie Bauer, J.Crew and Nike are some of the known brands that do employ sweatshops. The fact that J.Crew happens to be in that list is more than disappointing to me, as it’s one of my favorite places to shop from. Boo on you, J.Crew, really.

The business of clothing and fashion are tainted in many ways, and this discussion can go on forever. There are so many issues at hand, including the ongoing battle against unfair wages and working conditions, as well as trying to find labels that are labor and environmentally friendly, issues that I hope to discuss later, but for now, it might be a good idea to keep these looming human rights issues in mind the next time you’re overcome with joy at the prospect of buying five shirts and three pairs of pants all collectively under $100.

Considering all the fake tanning, silly emphasis on cars and plastic surgery a good majority of Los Angeles residents are guilty of, it’s safe to say there’s a lot of cheese here. But beyond what people contribute to the lame-o factor of L.A., our city’s memorabilia does a lot of damage as well.

Here are a few of my favorite L.A.-themed finds:

I’m not entirely sure that this “I Heart L.A.” t-shirt by Los Angeles-based brand JOYRICH is worth the $44, but it’s definitely note worthy.  It’s the kind of shirt you can actaully wear in L.A. without looking like a nerd. A great take on the famous “I Heart NY” design.

Created by Ork, this Los Angeles neighborhood poster is stuffed with 111 neighborhoods and printed on 100 percent recycled paper with black soy-based inks. For $22, you can have the whole of L.A. hanging on your wall, even if traffic restricts you from getting to it all.

From Etsy designer dustDesignCo, these vintage Los Angeles Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA) Transit token cufflinks are the definition of cool. Mounted on vintage silver cufflinks, they’re priced at $26 for the man in your life that appreciates style and nostalgia.

I had hoped to write about green almonds in the likes of Gourmet or another favorite food magazine of mine, but the window of opportunity to acquire and eat green almonds is so miniscule that I didn’t think of it in time to pitch it. Nevertheless, green almonds are a popular Middle Eastern snack and have been a part of my family’s culinary palette for as long as I remember.

Green almonds are basically young, underdeveloped almonds. They can be eaten whole and the almond inside is still quite fleshy. They’re only available for about 3 to 4 weeks beginning in about mid-April, so I suppose they’re an odd type of delicacy. They’re a bit sour, but refreshing nonetheless, like something so appropriate for a hot summer night- and can really only be found in Middle Eastern or unconventional markets.

Green almonds are one in a list of fruits that are so entwined with culture and ethnicity, like the loquat which is known as “Nor Ashkhar” (New World)  in Armenian or dates and figs, which are guaranteed staples at my house yearround.

For one reason or another, food seems much more special this way - it doesn’t just become nourishment for your body, it takes on a slightly deeper meaning, defining your roots and background more than you ever intended it to.

Even though I’m thousands of miles from my origins, and that of these particular fruits and delicacies, it’s nice to live in a city like Los Angeles which provides me with the resources to not only experience far off aspects of my own background, but the backgrounds of dozens of other cultures as well.

If you can ever get your hands on green almonds, they are definitely worth a try - though the small window of time to get them in is definitely challenging, so this might be something to mark on a calendar. Odd I know, but you wont regret it.

You know when you reach that point in your life when you think, gee, it would be so great if I could own a pair of comfortable shoes that I could slide my feet in and out of?  In fact, it would be just astounding if they were totally modeled after my OWN FEET. Oh, what’s that? You haven’t reached that point? Well me neither and I’m pretty sure our chances of reaching it are slim.  It just seems that you and I are mentally stable people with good judgment and decision making skills, because there is only one word that can be used to  describe Vibram Five Fingers Shoes: fuckery.

The Vibram Five Fingers is made from polyamide fabric and provides excellent grip in both wet and dry conditions (imagine that!) They’re machine washable and made from vegan friendly materials and stimulate muscles in your feet apparently to build strength and improve range of motion.

This is all fine and dandy and I’m sure to the running aficionado or sports lover, this just sounds like the most AMAZING invention on the world ( I mean, shoes I can wear in the shape of my feet that improve my range of motion? Sign me up STAT.)

But to a shoe lover like me that would most definitely rank the range of motion a shoe can provide at the utmost bottom of my shoe preferences, this is murder.  BLOODY MURDER.

These are worse than crocs. There, I said it. Worse. Than. Crocs. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Vibram Five Fingers too many. No one better tell Mario Batali about this, because there is no way I can continue watching Iron Chef if I see him standing on stage with a pair of fatigue print Five Fingers on.

Photo by iboy_daniel

Even if you tried really hard to avoid it, you’d still somehow, someway  get wind of one of the most popular shows on television, that behemoth of a reality show that draws in somewhere between 18 to 36 million viewers each season so fittingly named  American Idol.

With Paula Abdul’s incoherent babbling, Randy Jackson’s constant misuse and abuse of the phrases “Dawg” and “Yo! Check it out!” as well as host Ryan Seacrest’s terrible interviewing skills, It’s just as hard a show to ignore as it is to watch.

What would really make American Idol watchable is if they took away Randy, Paula and new judge Kara DioGuardi, left Simon and brought in Gordon Ramsay, Nene from Real Housewives of Atlanta, Ricky Gervais as David Brent and RuPaul to rule the roost. Now THAT would be a show I could get behind.

But enough about what could be, let’s concentrate on what is, like the sorry excuse for song choices contestants have been picking in season 8. Although certain themes require the  contestants to stay in one genre like MoTown or Michael Jackson hits  (seriously?), this week the nine that were left vying for the title of American Idol had a theme handed to them that was just too easy to do well in: Popular iTunes Downloads. Can you imagine the possibilities? Well, on the second thought, they aren’t that great, but you mean to tell me that they had a vast category of popular songs they could have chosen from and I turn on the t.v. and I get “Surrender” by Celine Dion, “What Hurts the Most” by Rascal Flatss and “Turn the Lights Down Low” sung by now booted Megan Joy Corkey. Really people? Really? You couldn’t have chosen “Nine in the Afternoo”n by Panic at the Disco or Paramore’s “Misery Business,” which would have been perfect for red-haired Allison Iraheta. Lil Rounds (I’m still confused as to if this is in fact, her real name) should have and could have gone for Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” or a Leona Lewis hit. And how awesome would “New Soul” by Nael Yaim been if Scott MacIntyre had sang it. Lest we forget Anoop with this mediocre “Caught Up” by Usher.  He should have ridden the coat tails of his Indian background and totally gone for Jai Ho from the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack. If he had, I am almost guaranteeing he would have been completely safe, instead of appearing in the bottom three last night. And Megan Joy, Chasing Pavements by one of my favorites, Adele. Anyone? Anyone? Any takers? No, I guess not.

That entire paragraph has left one question still lingering in my mind: why in God’s name do I even care? The answer to that is, I couldn’t tell you if I tried. I suppose American Idol has permeated my subconscious enough  so that I give a damn about its plan to render me incapable of doing the things I need to do, like writing, pitching ideas and you know, having a LIFE  instead of  staying glued to the television to hear Simon and Ryan hurl sexual innuendos at each other, while Paula pops another tranquilizer under the table and downs it with the convenient product placement of a Cocoa Cola cup. Oh dear.

Next week mark’s the “Songs From Your Birthyear” theme and I am fearing for my life as to what I will be subjected to. Scott MacIntyre and Adam Lambert, who, by the way, reminds me of a modern day Liberace, I’m looking at you.

I could never be a viable contestant on a show like this, as evidenced by my song choice for my birth year (1984) : This Charming Man by The Smiths. Enough said.

While I have more to tell about my shopping bonanza during the wee hours of Friday morning, there is a certain memory I have from that day that stuck out in my mind. In short, the line to get in the Ugg or UGG outlet store in Camarillo, Calif., was literally around the block. I am talking hoards of people lining up for them. I stood there in utter awe and shock as people walked out with bags of them, while others waited probably an hour or two to get in the store. None of it makes sense to me. I just do not understand. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. People of Southern California, please STOP. That’s enough. We get two days of rain and you run out to buy the ugliest shoes in the planet? What are you thinking? You don’t need them here, do you understand? This is not the frozen tundra, believe you me.

Interestingly enough, in my post last week about my disgust for Uggs, I received a comment that contested my point of view. The commentator told me that Uggs are the greatest winter boots out there and that they’re pretty stylish. It was also pointed out to me that if you can’t afford real Uggs (prices run in the hundreds), that there are a lot of knock-off Uggs on the market.

This comment got me thinking. The price, Internet, is definitely not on my priority list for hating Uggs. In fact, I condemn knock-offs of any kind. On the other hand, I thought, if I’m going to be spewing hate for a certain kind of shoe, I might as well provide alternatives. So here is a short list of shoes I would strongly urge you to purchase instead of Ugg(ly) boots.

Colin by Madden Girl - $59.90

This pull-on boot has a padded insole and a low hidden wedge heel and it quite stylish. It comes in brown, gray or black is just the perfect height for a casual outfit. Wearing them with jeans tucked in or out makes them fab.

Treker Boot - Free People - $388

Hello lover. Yes it’s expensive, but I’m including it anyway because I am head over heels in love with them. Made with leather and suede and lined with shearling, these boots are pretty much guaranteed to keep you warm, while keeping you tough. Chic and gorgeous. Toss those fugly Uggs NOW.

Arkansas - Steve Madden - $109.95

Looking for a comfortable full length boot? Here you go. This pull-on Steve Madden boot has a suede upper and rubber sole and comes in taupe suede, a versatile shade that’s perfect for winter.

Reese - London Fog -on sale for $119.50 from $150

You just can’t resist those Uggs can you? Well here is a similar, but tastefully done alternative. A faux fur-lined boot to keep you warm, and waterproof suede to keep you dry, this will satisfy your Uggdiction while keeping you out of the running for Fashion Disaster of the Year . It also has a full-zip closure, microfur lining and a thermolite footbed. Take a look at that, you lucky woman.