National Stay At Home Week has officially begun and while I am so excited about Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives starting, I cannot believe I just sat through an entire two hours of Dancing With the Stars. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy this show a lot, especially the non-existent costumes, Bruno’s metaphors and Tom Bergeron’s humor – I just can’t believe it robbed me of two hours of my time. I think they should just hand the trophy to Cloris Leachman and call it a day. This woman made my life worth living. She put her leg on the judging table for crying out loud! And made Len Goodman call himself a boy toy! She is sheer genius. I think I even heard her call Carrie Ann Inaba a bitch for giving her a low score. Oh Cloris, I hope throngs of people vote for you. If I cared enough, I would.

Tom was back on his game after the Emmy’s last night, a hosting gig which didn’t quite go so well, mostly because of the fact that he had to share the stage with Ryan Seacrest and Howie Mandel.

I was getting excited about the show, until they put Samantha Harris on screen and I turned away, in fear that she would be mumbling inaudible, other worldly phrases that I did not have the mental capacity to understand. I just don’t understand why Samantha is there. We all know full well Tom could carry on the entire show without her. She is useless. She’s an utterly useless who wears utterly useless, distasteful and over the top I might add ball gown dresses. Don’t even get me started on the questions she asks. Most of time they’re not so much questions, as they are phrases, like “This must be so exciting for you to be here!” And then she sticks the microphone in someone’s face and expects them to respond to her comment. Ugh, Samantha, I think you’re hopeless.

None of the dances particularly struck a chord with me and many of them were quite unmemorable. Case in point: the only thing I remember from Lance Bass’ air time was when his professional dancing partner Lacey Schwimmer commented on how she wanted to once marry him, but now that wasn’t going to happen, most likely due to the fact that Bass would probably like to dance more with Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

Then there was comedian Jeffrey Ross, commenting on the fact that he could only see half of Kim Kardashian’s booty because of an eye injury earlier in the day during practice. Which brings me to my Reality TV princess, Kim. I can’t hate her. I think I tried once, but I can’t. It’s not so much that she’s gorgeous, and believe me she is, it’s that she’s one of my own, for better or for worse.

It was also refreshing hearing Carrie Ann tell Soap Queen Susan Lucci that she needs to gain weight. Yes Susan, gain some weight so that Tony Dovolani’s chest doesn’t blow you away. I swear that boy got into ballroom dancing just so he could have the ability to wear shirts and leave them open down to his crotch.

Between the craziness of this and America’s Next Top Model, my head just might end up combusting.