It was a great morning today. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, life was just splendid. In fact, it was so great, that I managed to give a big “F U” to L.A. traffic and arrive to work early. Imagine that! It was just going so great for me, until I found out that in an evil plan to completely ruin the formidable years of my childhood and cause me a horrific amount of emotional trauma, Hollywood has decided to do a remake of “Drop Dead Fred,” starring Russell Brand. RUSSELL BRAND.

Now, I like Russell Brand I guess (the guy loves Morrissey, I think that says enough)  and he could pretty much nail this, but why can’t Hollywood stop regurgitating movies from the past and come up with something original? I mean, really – have you seen how hilarious and touching “Drop Dead Fred” is? Rik Mayall should have won some kind of award for that performance, and PHOEBE CATES! She is in it! Nothing can be bad if Phoebe Cates is in it! I don’t care if the rating on IMDB is 4.8 out of 10. This movie is a silver screen gem I tell you! And Hollywood is ruining my childhood by being a useless, unoriginal piece of shit. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore. Instead, I’m going to watch some “Drop Dead Fred.” Take that, film execs. Take that.