While I have more to tell about my shopping bonanza during the wee hours of Friday morning, there is a certain memory I have from that day that stuck out in my mind. In short, the line to get in the Ugg or UGG outlet store in Camarillo, Calif., was literally around the block. I am talking hoards of people lining up for them. I stood there in utter awe and shock as people walked out with bags of them, while others waited probably an hour or two to get in the store. None of it makes sense to me. I just do not understand. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. People of Southern California, please STOP. That’s enough. We get two days of rain and you run out to buy the ugliest shoes in the planet? What are you thinking? You don’t need them here, do you understand? This is not the frozen tundra, believe you me.

Interestingly enough, in my post last week about my disgust for Uggs, I received a comment that contested my point of view. The commentator told me that Uggs are the greatest winter boots out there and that they’re pretty stylish. It was also pointed out to me that if you can’t afford real Uggs (prices run in the hundreds), that there are a lot of knock-off Uggs on the market.

This comment got me thinking. The price, Internet, is definitely not on my priority list for hating Uggs. In fact, I condemn knock-offs of any kind. On the other hand, I thought, if I’m going to be spewing hate for a certain kind of shoe, I might as well provide alternatives. So here is a short list of shoes I would strongly urge you to purchase instead of Ugg(ly) boots.

Colin by Madden Girl – $59.90

This pull-on boot has a padded insole and a low hidden wedge heel and it quite stylish. It comes in brown, gray or black is just the perfect height for a casual outfit. Wearing them with jeans tucked in or out makes them fab.

Treker Boot – Free People – $388

Hello lover. Yes it’s expensive, but I’m including it anyway because I am head over heels in love with them. Made with leather and suede and lined with shearling, these boots are pretty much guaranteed to keep you warm, while keeping you tough. Chic and gorgeous. Toss those fugly Uggs NOW.

Arkansas – Steve Madden – $109.95

Looking for a comfortable full length boot? Here you go. This pull-on Steve Madden boot has a suede upper and rubber sole and comes in taupe suede, a versatile shade that’s perfect for winter.

Reese – London Fog -on sale for $119.50 from $150

You just can’t resist those Uggs can you? Well here is a similar, but tastefully done alternative. A faux fur-lined boot to keep you warm, and waterproof suede to keep you dry, this will satisfy your Uggdiction while keeping you out of the running for Fashion Disaster of the Year . It also has a full-zip closure, microfur lining and a thermolite footbed. Take a look at that, you lucky woman.

Dear Uggs,

Are you familiar with the Beatles’ song “Hello Goodbye?” Well, it’s like you keep saying “Hello” and I keep saying “Goodbye” but you never seem to be going anywhere. In short, you’ve over stayed your welcome five years too long and caused me unnecessary bouts of anger along the way.

When I first saw you, on a stand in the shoe section of Nordstroms, I don’t think I minded your presence entirely that much. I touched you, and you were soft and luxurious and I wondered how you were mean to to be worn. “Where does this fit into life?” I pondered to myself.

The day I met you, is the day I let you go. I walked past you and knew, even back then, that you and I were not a perfect fit, so to speak. I prayed however, that you would find your way back to Australia again, back with the residents of rural areas you have been popular with. You see, I understand why you were popular during World War I and II, when aviators needed you to keep warm in non-pressurized planes at high altitudes. I even understand why people living in cold climates today might wear you, as the sheepskin you’re made from keeps feet at body temperature. I get it, believe me.

But Ugg boots, please explain one thing to me if you can. Why must hoards of fashionably-challenged women and girls in this wonderful city tout you around like they’ve discovered the arch of the covenant? Why must I be forced to stare at women who think fashion-forward means wearing black leggings tucked in Ugg boots with a big flowy sweater on top? Why God why? What has the city of Los Angeles done to you to deserve such an injustice?

You see Ugg boots, people think this city is a terrible place to be already. We don’t need your influence in the matter. The people who have worked hard to make this city somewhat of a fashionable place don’t deserve this. Please pack up your belongings and go away. If not for my sake, for the sake and reputation of this city. We don’t have proper winters here, we know this. We are not suited for your presence. The sooner you go away, the sooner the delusional women in this city will realize what a horribly un-stylish mistake they were committing.

I long for the days when the letters “U” “G” “G” stood for “United Grain Growers” not a fashion disaster that has spread like the bubonic plague.

Kindly,

Liana